When Life Shakes, Are You Prepared?
Photo: Shefali Lincoln via Unsplash
(Update 2/26/2021: After uploading this blog post, I discovered that Toni Galardi has written an entire book dedicated to life quakes! I’ve added it to my reading list; in the meantime, any similarities between the book and this post are purely coincidental.)
Earthquakes – and their aftershocks - are among the most devastating natural disasters one can ever face. But quakes aren’t limited to the earth below us; our lives can be shaken to the core by a number of factors! But we don’t have to be devastated by them.
Thoughts on earthquakes: When I think of earthquakes, San Francisco and Tokyo come to mind. Over the course of history, these cities have been struck by a number of devastating earthquakes, and each time they’ve survived and rebuilt, often better and more resilient than ever. City leaders didn’t move their metropolises; instead, they learned lessons and moved forward, stronger. (In fact, there’s an entire field of engineering dedicated to earthquake readiness! Read more about it in this this post.)
It’s hard to find someone who hasn’t been impacted negatively in some way by the COVID-19 pandemic. In fact, over the past year, many of us have found ourselves facing major shakeups over the past 12 months as we dealt with stay-at-home guidelines, layoffs and corporate downsizing, sickness and health concerns, and in some cases the loss of loved ones. A recent article in the Harvard Business Review explores the topic of “identity quakes” in light of COVID-19, specifically how the pandemic has changed how we feel about ourselves and others after job loss.
When it comes to life quakes, we all must be “individual engineers.” There are a number of components in play here, among them self-awareness, self-care, goal-setting and personal growth. After all, city managers in quake-prone locales don’t wait for the quake to hit before implementing their best practices; they prepare in advance.
A year ago, I was gainfully employed as the breadwinner of my family. I was as busy as I’d ever been at work. My high-risk parents were healthy. Today, things couldn’t be more different for me: I’ve lost my job, have no income (thanks to a backlogged unemployment system) and I am a motherless daughter. In the days and weeks after I was terminated, I noticed that family and friends were walking on eggshells around me as they waited for a breakdown that never came. I experienced the same trepidation from others after my mother passed in January. The other day, my son asked me why I haven’t fallen apart. It’s a good question, and believe it or not, the answer is simple.
I haven’t fallen apart because I choose not to.
Am I sad and nervous about the future? You bet I am. Do I let my fear and sadness influence how I function? No way – I’m my own individual engineer!
Here are some practices to help you engineer your own response to a life quake:
Understand that the only person who controls your identity is you. Define yourself, don’t let coworkers, friends or even family members do it for you. Granted, they may be a piece of your identity, but you decide the size of that piece. That in turn affects how you’d be impacted if something goes away.
Your attitude toward stress (good or bad) is yours and yours alone. Stressors in life can take many different shapes and forms and can vary in intensity. Take time to look inward to understand your emotions. What makes you happy or sad? What stresses you out? Is there a person that pushes all of your buttons and if so, why? Take note of your most intense emotions (good or bad). What caused the response and how did you react? Were you happy with your response? If not, change it!
Find a silver lining. It sounds trite to be sure, but there is almost always a positive to every negative. When I lost my job, my mom put it well when she said, “When God closes a door, he opens a window.” Think like a survivor: the door is inaccessible, so you’ve got to find a window!
If you don’t like it, change it! If you’re experiencing a life quake and aren’t happy with how you’re reacting, it’s time to make a change. Think about how you want to respond and take steps to make it happen. If you’re not sure what to do, coaching may be helpful.